Novels in Three Lines

Being a professional writing major, I get some weird assignments. One of these was actually interesting, so I thought I'd share. Felix Feneon, a man with too much time on his hands, wrote a book in which he wrote novels in three lines. If you google "Novels in three lines," you can look at it. Our assignment was to write fifteen of our own. Below are the ones I chose to write. It's an interesting style and somewhat of an outlet for bad puns. Also, excuse some of the woeful writing. It was a school assignment after all.

Upon hearing of his wife’s pregnancy, Daniel Corrice took to the streets rejoicing. His neighbor, Andy Gustern, promptly shot him in the chest.

A frustrated young writer was found dead in his apartment. He hung himself
and left a note the police said was, “too marked with revisions to decipher.”

Before dying, the famed romance novelist Eric Stevanovich turned to his wife and said, “You were always a bitch.”

On the 4th of June, 5 men fought and killed 6 attackers. 7 days later they ate them. Only one German man refused the feast, simply saying, “nein.”

George turned to his wife and said, “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse.” Later that evening he ate a horse.

A man named That was arrested yesterday for having sex with his wife, Ridiculous, in public. It took the police some time to figure out the situation as their witness would only say, “That is fucking Ridiculous.”

Two men got into an argument over which could break into the zoo and wrestle a tiger. They are both dead.

In a small town outside of New York, a couple spawned controversy over the naming of their newborn, Big Smith. His middle name being Mistake.

Ulrich Herran of Switzerland, who kept a vow of silence for eighteen years, spoke today. He opened his mouth, lifted from his seat, farted, and with a pained expression said, “Safety.”

A woman by the name of Gertrude Hemlein was found yesterday with three goats down by the old lumber yard. When asked what she was doing she replied by skinning one of the goats.

The beautiful Egyptian mau kitten ran through the living room in a blur of passion. The children watched it devour the mouse, horrified.

At three p.m. on the afternoon of February the 22nd absolutely nothing happened.

Through a lack of wit and deficiency with vocabulary, the 13th of 15th three line novels ended abruptly.

An obese woman named Gina had not left her apartment for over two years. As she tried to leave, she realized she could not fit through the door. Tearfully, she unwrapped a Tastycake.

After telling a group of middle schoolers to write haikus, Felix Feneon had enough material to write his book, “Novels in Three Lines.”